ArticleTalkReadEditView history
All articles
107 articles in the Hoenipedia encyclopedia.
| Title | Category | Summary |
|---|---|---|
| 4/20 (the holiday) | — | April 20 ("4/20") is the chat's most-observed annual holiday, with **at least 1,073 messages** mentioning some form of *… |
| 420 Blaze It Leaderboard | — | A running scoreboard of "420 blaze it" utterances, maintained almost single-handedly by [[Evan Bbbender]] across **19 pu… |
| A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms | Event | A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms is the prestige television adaptation whose imminent release made Cullen Conway feel a fe… |
| A Midsummer Night's Steam | — | The chat's longest-running name in its history. Set by [[Kyle Derrick]] on **2023-06-13** as the third in a same-day thr… |
| Acropolis | — | A historic Portland steakhouse — chat shorthand **Acrop** — referenced **13 times** between **2023-05-12** and **2026-04… |
| Age of Empires II | — | The Microsoft real-time strategy game that has occupied a stable role in the chat's vocabulary continuously since **2020… |
| Alice | — | The wife of [[Daniel Miller]] and mother of [[Bruce]]. Mentioned in the corpus **100 times** continuously from **2020-08… |
| Almost sent | — | The chat's recurring meta-acknowledgment that a member was beaten to posting a particular tweet, video, or link by anoth… |
| Amanda | — | The partner of [[Cullen Conway]] and the only non-member to receive routine mention in the Newfound Glory Hole. Famously… |
| Anna | — | The wife of [[Brian Ambuel]] and mother of [[Delilah]]. Mentioned in the corpus **40 times** (continuously from **2023-1… |
| Biking | — | The chat's principal non-driving mode of transportation, mentioned in **at least 198 messages** containing *bike* and **… |
| Birdie Time | — | A Portland bar that admits minors and the de facto post-work watering hole of the Newfound Glory Hole, especially during… |
| Black Collar Crime | Doctrine | Black Collar Crime is a labor-economics framework coined by Cullen Conway on April 9, 2026 in response to Evan Bbbender'… |
| Blutos | — | A Portland, Oregon, Mediterranean sandwich shop and the unofficial home venue of the **[[Hoen Lunch]]**. Subject of the … |
| Brian's Dots | Lore | Brian's Dots refers to the running joke surrounding the appearance, duration, and apparent significance of Brian Ambuel'… |
| Bruce | — | The son of [[Daniel Miller]] and [[Alice]], born **Halloween 2020**, mentioned in the corpus **83 times** across all six… |
| Buffalo Bills | — | The chat's most-mentioned NFL franchise. **450 corpus mentions** spanning **2020-09-02 → 2026-05-01**, with **194 attrib… |
| Bussy | — | A chat-internal anatomical noun, adopted by [[Cullen Conway]] on **2020-12-21** in the course of reading an article and … |
| Camping trips | — | The chat was founded by [[Kyle Derrick]] on **2020-07-07** for the explicit purpose of coordinating camping trips, and t… |
| Charlie Kirk | Person | Charlie Kirk is the political commentator whose September 10, 2025 shooting first dragged his name into the Newfound Glo… |
| Cheeky Pint | — | A short, sanctioned, and slightly British-affected afternoon drink, almost always paired with a [[Birdie Time|Birdie Tim… |
| Corn dog (event) | — | An annual ceremonial **corn dog sharing event** attended by **[[Matt]]** whenever he is in town. Documented in **35 corp… |
| Cranking | — | A chat-internal verb for masturbation, attested **115 times** across **all six members and six calendar years (2021–2026… |
| Crypto Scam Pardon Theory | Doctrine | Crypto Scam Pardon Theory is the chat's working hypothesis that crypto-related offenses are de facto auto-pardoned by th… |
| Cuck parties at Steam | — | The single most-referenced event-class associated with the fictional [[Steam]] bathhouse — coined by [[Evan Bbbender]] o… |
| Cully | — | A nickname for [[Cullen Conway]], in self- and other-use across the corpus from **2021-01-09** through **2026-05-08**. A… |
| Cumtown (sub-grouping) | Sub-grouping | Cumtown is the chat sub-grouping consisting of Cullen, Evan, Matt, and Dan — named by Daniel Miller on March 13, 2026 te… |
| Dame | — | The son of [[Matt]] and Jen, named after Portland Trail Blazers guard *Dame Lillard* by [[Cullen Conway]] on **2021-01-1… |
| Delilah | — | The daughter of [[Brian Ambuel]] and [[Anna]]. Mentioned in the corpus **13 times** between **2024-09-03** and **2026-05… |
| Dimos | — | A Portland pizza-by-the-slice establishment and the late-arriving challenger to **[[Blutos]]** for the role of default [… |
| Dog Testicle Discourse of May 13, 2026 | Event | The Dog Testicle Discourse of May 13, 2026 is the May afternoon exchange in which the Newfound Glory Hole responded to a… |
| Edging | — | The chat's preferred verb for prolonged self-restraint, attested in **73 messages** across **6 members and 6 years**. It… |
| Epstein discourse | — | The longest-running geopolitical-tabloid thread in the chat, with **47 messages** spanning **2020-11-20 → 2025-08-11**, … |
| Espresso Martini Month | Event | Espresso Martini Month is the chat's collective name for March 2026, when Kyle Derrick observed that the Portland calend… |
| Evan's iOS sticker collection | — | The iOS Messages sticker pack belonging to [[Evan Bbbender]] and, by formal claim of dibs, the **inheritance of [[Daniel… |
| Evan's iOS Sticker Collection | Lore | Evan's iOS Sticker Collection is the cache of iMessage stickers held by Evan Bbbender and called dibs on by Daniel Mille… |
| Fantasy football | — | The chat's longest-running annual project and the only competition in which all five founding members have routinely par… |
| Fard | — | The chat's preferred orthographic softening of *fart* — the gaseous-emission complement to **[[Shidding|shid]]** — first… |
| Felix | — | A child of indeterminate parentage in the chat (likely [[Kyle Derrick]]'s son or godson, per context), notable in the co… |
| Foxtrot | — | A Portland venue near [[Blutos]] that entered the chat's [[Hoen Lunch]] rotation in **June 2025** as a [[Brian Ambuel]] … |
| Fuck Off Friday | Doctrine | Fuck Off Friday is the maximalist hoen doctrine first articulated by Evan Bbbender on March 20, 2026, prescribing a Frid… |
| Gash | — | A noun introduced into the chat by [[Kyle Derrick]] on **2024-08-12** and rapidly adopted as one of the chat's most-prod… |
| Grand Fir | — | A Portland brewery in the chat's vocabulary continuously since **2023-01-29**, and the Newfound Glory Hole's preferred "… |
| Green Bay Packers | — | The chat's second-most-mentioned NFL franchise after the [[Buffalo Bills]]. **237 corpus mentions** spanning **2020-09-1… |
| Hail Mary (film) | — | A motion picture that, as of the publication of this article, no member of the Newfound Glory Hole has seen, despite **f… |
| Halloween | — | A recurring annual chat observance, attested in **37 messages** across **all six years** of the corpus. Every Halloween … |
| Hat Yai | — | A Portland Thai fried chicken restaurant occupying the **old Pok Pok building**, recently elevated to a chat-canonical [… |
| Heather (disambiguation) | — | The proper noun **Heather** appears **300 times** in the corpus and refers to at least **two distinct entities** — a per… |
| Henny | — | The chat's preferred shorthand for **Hennessy** (cognac) and the namesake of the **Henny Chain** — a cumulative fantasy-… |
| Hoen | — | The defining word, practice, and worldview of the chat presently known as the **[[Newfound Glory Hole]]**. Originated as… |
| Hoen Lunch | — | The formalized institution of the **[[Hoen]]** — a midday gathering of Newfound Glory Hole members at a restaurant of ap… |
| Hoencession | Doctrine | Hoencession is the chat's term of art for a multi-week period of weak hoen demand, first coined by Matt on September 5, … |
| Hoendor | Lore | Hoendor is the imagined polity that calls for aid whenever the Newfound Glory Hole is at risk of an incomplete hoen — a … |
| Hoening | Practice | Hoening is the central liturgical practice of the Newfound Glory Hole — the verb, noun, and posture of midweek convening… |
| Hoenipedia | — | This encyclopedia. A self-hosted, build-time-rendered Wikipedia clone covering the iMessage group chat presently known a… |
| Iran war discourse | — | The chat's most-cited geopolitical thread, with **28 messages** spanning **2024-04-13 → 2026-04-09**. Opens with a Culle… |
| Jen | — | The wife of [[Matt]] and mother of [[Dame]]. Mentioned in the corpus **173 times** across all six years and routinely ci… |
| Jerry's | — | Chat shorthand for [[Jerry's Tavern]], the Northwest Portland bar that has been in the chat's vocabulary continuously si… |
| Jerry's Tavern | Venue | Jerry's Tavern is a Northwest Portland bar in the chat's vocabulary continuously since 2025-05-23 — the inside-on-a-sunn… |
| Josh Allen | — | The Buffalo Bills quarterback. **71 documented references** in the corpus from **2020-09-02 → 2026-04-02**, the most-men… |
| Kachka | — | A Portland Russian restaurant in the chat's vocabulary continuously since **2020-09-19**, originally as a Daniel Miller … |
| Laurelhurst | Venue | Laurelhurst is the default hoen lunch venue of the Newfound Glory Hole — the establishment most frequently invoked in ch… |
| List of chat names | — | Chronological list of every name the iMessage group chat presently known as the **[[Newfound Glory Hole]]** has had sinc… |
| Loyal Legion | — | A Portland beer hall in the chat's vocabulary continuously since **2023-01-01**, and the rare venue the Newfound Glory H… |
| Maeve | — | The daughter of [[Cullen Conway]] and [[Amanda]], mentioned **121 times** in the corpus from her introduction on **2023-… |
| Mama Khouri's | Venue | Mama Khouri's is the Mediterranean alternative regularly proposed alongside Blutos when Evan Bbbender declares himself '… |
| Matt O | — | The original eighth member of the iMessage group chat presently known as the **[[Newfound Glory Hole]]**. Removed from t… |
| MCB (Meat Cheese Bread) | — | The chat's standard abbreviation for **Meat Cheese Bread**, a Northeast Portland sandwich shop. In the chat's vocabulary… |
| Mercedes | — | The partner of [[Max Lieberman]] and one of the chat's recurring non-member cast members, mentioned **35 times** in the … |
| Mmm alcohol | — | The chat's most reliable two-word liturgy. A traditional **interjection** of approval, originated by **[[Kyle Derrick]]*… |
| Montelupo | — | A Sellwood-neighborhood Italian restaurant in Portland, mentioned **9 times** in the corpus across **2023-08-08 → 2024-0… |
| Mt. Bachelor | — | The Central Oregon ski mountain that has functioned across **all six years** of the corpus as the chat's preferred winte… |
| Much Ado About Nutting | — | The chat's seventeenth name. Set by [[Evan Bbbender]] on **2025-05-23** as the second consecutive Shakespeare-themed nam… |
| Newfound Glory Hole | — | The current (and 22nd known) name of the iMessage group chat that is the subject of this entire encyclopedia. Renamed fr… |
| NFL discourse | — | The chat's largest single recurring topic by message volume. NFL-related references appear in **at least 410 messages me… |
| NFL Draft | — | The NFL's annual entry draft (April or May). **49 corpus mentions** of *draft* spanning **2020-09-14 → 2025-04-25**, pri… |
| No Kings | — | An anti-monarchist street protest movement whose Portland events have been attended, considered, or asked about by [[New… |
| Oops, All Hoeny Boys | — | The chat's tenth name and one of the two most-fondly-cited names in its history. Set by [[Cullen Conway]] on **2023-01-1… |
| Oregon Ducks | — | The University of Oregon's NCAA Division I football and basketball teams. **58 corpus mentions** of *Ducks* with at leas… |
| Patrick Mahomes | — | The Kansas City Chiefs quarterback. **103 corpus mentions** spanning **2020-09-10 → 2025-12-21**, principally narrated b… |
| Pebin' the night away | — | The chat's ninth name. Set by [[Kyle Derrick]] on **2022-12-01** in apparent response to a 2022 Mac Miller (or Sam Cooke… |
| Portland | Location | Portland, Oregon is the chat's primary city of operation since 2020 — site of every documented hoen lunch venue and the … |
| Render Unto Steezer | — | The chat's twenty-first name and the immediate predecessor of the current [[Newfound Glory Hole]]. Set by [[Evan Bbbende… |
| Ropes | Lore | Ropes is the chat's longest-running and most-elastic running joke, beginning as a culinary metaphor about custard, expan… |
| Rugged Outdoorsmen | — | The chat's first known name. Set by [[Matt]] on **2020-08-13** in the lead-up to the inaugural August 28-30 group **camp… |
| Sandwich Week | — | A Portland food event running annually in late winter / early spring, observed by the Newfound Glory Hole intermittently… |
| Shalom Y'all | — | A Portland Israeli/Mediterranean restaurant in the chat's vocabulary continuously since **2021-03-26** and the principal… |
| Sheets Kingdom | Practice | Sheets Kingdom is the March Madness–adjacent hoen variant first proposed by Matt on March 18, 2026 and immediately ratif… |
| Shidding | Lore | Shidding is the chat's preferred orthography for the bowel movement, first attested in the corpus on August 27, 2020 and… |
| Sir Penis the Hard | — | A medieval knight invented by [[Evan Bbbender]] on **2026-02-07** in a single three-word message and never mentioned by … |
| SNOVID-19 | — | The chat's fifth name and the first to last more than a few weeks. Set by [[Evan Bbbender]] on **2020-10-15** during a b… |
| Star Bar | — | A Portland bar referenced **5 times** in the corpus across **4 years (2023-08 → 2026-03)** as a low-rent secondary venue… |
| Steam | — | A Portland gay bathhouse and the chat's longest-running fictional venue, in the corpus continuously since **2020-10-02**… |
| Steamin' at Hennys | — | The chat's eighth name. Set by [[Evan Bbbender]] on **2022-08-08** and held for **~115 days** through **2022-12-01**, wh… |
| Strait of Hormuz | Lore | The Strait of Hormuz is the international waterway whose recurring appearance in the chat — first as geopolitics, then a… |
| Sunday Sauce | — | A Portland restaurant whose meatball sub the chat has, over the course of four months, proposed but never been recorded … |
| TC O'Leary's | — | A Northeast Portland Irish-American bar in the chat's vocabulary since **2025-04-25**. **11 corpus mentions** across **5… |
| Thanksgiving | — | An annual chat observance attested in **42 messages** across **6 calendar years (2020-2025)**. The chat's principal Than… |
| The Garlic Bread Martini | Beverage | The Garlic Bread Martini is the alleged Sunday Sauce dinner-menu cocktail that Cullen Conway became the leading apostle … |
| The Henny Chain | — | A rotating ceremonial trophy in the chat's early years — a literal Hennessy chain — held by [[Kyle Derrick]] and contest… |
| The Kirk Method | Doctrine | The Kirk Method is the chat's name for the practice — first articulated on January 29, 2026 — of leaving an unflushed re… |
| The Malik Willis Prophecy | Event | The Malik Willis Prophecy is Evan Bbbender's March 9, 2026 confession to Matt — on Matt's own birthday — that he had bec… |
| The Rizzler | — | The internet-celebrity child-wrestler whose name [[Evan Bbbender]] adopted into the chat on **2024-10-19** and whose sur… |
| Three Martini Lunch | Doctrine | The Three Martini Lunch is Cullen Conway's May 13, 2026 declaration that the summer 2026 Newfound Glory Hole hoen calend… |
| Two and a Half Men | Sub-grouping | Two and a Half Men is the chat sub-grouping consisting of Matt, Evan, and Dan, named on March 13, 2026 by Daniel Miller … |
| Weekend at Hoenies | — | The chat's first hoen-derived name. Set by [[Evan Bbbender]] on **2022-07-30** and held for only **9 days** before being… |
| Weekend at HRMies | — | The chat's longest-tenured name in its first three years. Set by [[Evan Bbbender]] on **2020-11-19** and held for **~20 … |