Grand Fir
A Portland brewery in the chat's vocabulary continuously since **2023-01-29**, and the Newfound Glory Hole's preferred "double dip" venue — a hoen location chosen specifically because it sits next to one or more other hoen locations.
Grand Fir
A Portland brewery in the chat's vocabulary continuously since 2023-01-29, and the Newfound Glory Hole's preferred "double dip" venue — a hoen location chosen specifically because it sits next to one or more other hoen locations.
Grand Fir is a Portland brewery referenced 16 times in the corpus across six different members and four years (2023-01-29 → 2026-04-17). It is one of the chat's longer-tenured non-bathhouse venues, with attestation predating the Hoen Lunch formalization by three years.
Origin
The earliest mention is by Daniel Miller on 2023-01-29:
"Im drinking beers live at the grand fir" — Daniel Miller, 2023-01-29
By 2023-08-25 Kyle Derrick is referencing it as a known quantity in a comparative review:
"I was definitely toasty by the end. I think the grand fir one was the best so far. But being pretty full for 3rd/4th was likely a facto[r]" — Kyle Derrick, 2023-08-25
2024 — Evan's reluctant endorsement
The chat's first documented Grand Fir vote is on 2024-12-14:
"I kind of hate myself for saying this but I want to go to grand fir brewing" — Evan Bbbender, 2024-12-14
"Ok so culmination or grand fir?" — Cullen Conway, 2024-12-14
This is the corpus's first attested case of Grand Fir being weighed against another specific Portland brewery. Evan's "I kind of hate myself for saying this" framing — a kind of pre-emptive apology for endorsing the venue — is the canonical posture from which the chat has approached Grand Fir ever since.
2025 — food and aesthetic notes
Kyle Derrick on 2025-03-29 filed the first cultural observation about Grand Fir's clientele:
"Homie at grand fir has a Korn logo tat" — Kyle Derrick, 2025-03-29
Brian Ambuel, in his characteristic listing form, includes Grand Fir in his standard rotation slate:
"I'm feeling indecisive so I'll throw out some options: kachka, grand fir, foxtrot or shalom yall" — Brian Ambuel, 2025-06-05
Evan Bbbender on 2025-06-26 adds the menu observation that has since stabilized into chat consensus:
"Hungry tiger & grand fir have nachos" — Evan Bbbender, 2025-06-26
2026 — the double dip era
The 2026 thread re-opens with a single-line proposal from Cullen Conway:
"Grand Fir?" — Cullen Conway, 2026-02-12
The defining 2026 message is from Max Lieberman on 2026-03-06:
"Right next to grand fir for a lil double dip perhaps?" — Max Lieberman, 2026-03-06
The phrase "lil double dip" establishes Grand Fir's structural role in the modern chat: it is rarely a sole destination, but it pairs reliably with neighboring venues. The encyclopedia notes that this is the only message from Max Lieberman to introduce a new hoen-logistical concept and remains his most-cited contribution.
Food update
Kyle Derrick on 2026-03-07 filed the modern era's first food review:
"Grand firs Sammy fucked p hard" — Kyle Derrick, 2026-03-07
The message — apparently containing an accidental "p" mid-word — received a liked tapback from Max Lieberman. The encyclopedia accepts the review on its face.
Versus MCB
In a flash poll of 2026-03-19, Cullen Conway established the preferred ordering:
"I'd be interested in Grand Fir potentially, not MCB" — Cullen Conway, 2026-03-19
The acronym MCB is later glossed by Brian Ambuel ("Grand fir? Meat cheese bread?", 2026-04-17) as Meat Cheese Bread. Cullen's general preference for Grand Fir over MCB has been honored at every subsequent hoen meeting that involved either venue.