Welcome to Hoenipedia,
the encyclopedia of the iMessage group chat presently known as the Newfound Glory Hole (and previously as Render Unto Steezer, Weekend at Hoenies, Oops, All Hoeny Boys, and roughly twenty other names — see List of chat names).
114,542 messages • 7 editors • 58 articles • 14,958 tapbacks • 2020-07-07 → 2026-05-13
From today's featured article
Fuck Off Friday — see the full article for context.
(The featured article rotates daily and is chosen deterministically from the day's date hash. The full article list is at Articles.)
Did you know...
- ... in the entire history of the chat, the word "hoen" (and its parent "hoeny") has been used 1,419 times, the highest of any non-stopword?
- ... the chat has been renamed at least 22 times since 2020, with names ranging from Rugged Outdoorsmen to Oops, All Hoeny Boys to the current Newfound Glory Hole? See the List of chat names.
- ... the very first "hoeny" was posted by Kyle Derrick on 2021-10-28 ("Great, now I'm hoeny") — almost certainly a typo for horny, but no one corrected it and the typo went on to define the next five years of the chat?
- ... the 420 Blaze It Leaderboard is the chat's longest-running statistics project, with 19 editions by Evan Bbbender from 2021-11-15 → 2026-02-08, and Matt's score of 69 has remained unchanged across the final three editions?
- ... Daniel Miller called formal dibs on Evan's iOS sticker collection on 2026-02-17 in a message that has never been formally contested?
- ... the chat's busiest single day was 2021-01-09 with 1,028 messages?
- ... Kyle Derrick is the chat's Founding member, with the earliest documented message on 2020-07-07?
- ... Hail Mary (film) has been formally proposed by Evan Bbbender seven times and seen by nobody?
In the news
The chat is currently following:
- The continuing aftermath of the Epstein files release (Jan–Apr 2026)
- The Iran war discourse, dormant but live
- The Hail Mary scheduling crisis, unresolved
- The slow encroachment of Dimos on Blutos's position as default Hoen Lunch venue
Recent changes
The most recent 10 substantive messages in the chat. (See Quotes for the most-tapbacked and Timeline for monthly volume.)
- 2026-05-13 — Daniel Miller: Christ.
- 2026-05-13 — Matt: We should do some crime
- 2026-05-13 — Daniel Miller: I had the same thought.
- 2026-05-13 — Evan Bbbender: I don’t know if this admin would prioritize pardoning us
- 2026-05-13 — Daniel Miller: I have a bunch of crypto scams ready to go
- 2026-05-13 — Evan Bbbender: Our bribes would not be large enough
- 2026-05-13 — Brian Ambuel: Crypto scams are auto pardon I think
- 2026-05-13 — Daniel Miller: Definitely, also I’m going to send you a link, just click ok and install it
- 2026-05-13 — Evan Bbbender: https://x.com/heynavtoor/status/2054208239282356304?s=46
- 2026-05-13 — Evan Bbbender: https://halupedia.com/charlie-kirk
Browse
| Section | What's there |
|---|---|
| Articles | All Wikipedia-style articles in this encyclopedia |
| Members | One profile per member of the chat |
| Timeline | Monthly message volume and notable spikes |
| Quotes | The 50 most-tapbacked messages in the corpus |
| Statistics | Aggregate numbers, leaderboards, gaps, peaks |
| Random article | (see sidebar) |
About this project
Hoenipedia is a parody encyclopedia generated from a real iMessage group chat between seven friends based mostly in Portland, Oregon. The text is extracted from chat.db (consolidating across three sibling chat ROWIDs that the same group has occupied through ~22 renames since 2020), decoded out of NSKeyedArchiver attributedBody blobs, and rendered as Wikipedia-style articles. The site is named after "hoen" / "hoeny", the chat's most-used non-stopword, which originated in a 2021 typo by Kyle Derrick and has since defined two of the chat's prior names. The unrelated chat-internal joke domain halupedia.com, posted by Evan Bbbender on 2026-05-13, is preserved verbatim in the Hoenipedia article as a historical artifact of the corpus.
"This page was last edited on the day this site was built."