Hoencession
Hoencession is the chat's term of art for a multi-week period of weak hoen demand, first coined by Matt on September 5, 2025 and re-derived by Evan Bbbender on February 12, 2026 in immediate response to Daniel Miller's lament that 'hoen lunch is hard sell these days.'
Hoencession
The hoencession is a term of art in the Newfound Glory Hole lexicon describing any sustained period — typically two or more consecutive Fridays — in which a critical mass of confirmations cannot be secured for a hoen lunch. As an economic metaphor, a hoencession differs from a simple bad week in that it is structural: the underlying demand for hoening has not vanished, but real or imagined constraints (work, weather, partners, dame-related obligations) prevent it from clearing.
Etymology
The earliest occurrence in the corpus is by Matt on September 5, 2025, in passing:
"We might be in a recession but we are not in a hoencession."
The portmanteau (hoen + recession) follows the chat's general practice of suffixing the root hoen to whatever rhetorical container the moment requires. Matt's coinage drew no immediate response and lay dormant for five months until Evan Bbbender independently re-derived it on February 12, 2026 in answer to Daniel Miller's lament:
"Man, hoen lunch is hard sell these days." — Daniel Miller, 2026-02-12
"Are we in a hoencession?" — Evan Bbbender, 2026-02-12
The 2026 re-derivation is the form that has stuck.
Diagnostic indicators
In subsequent discussions, several markers have come to be treated as evidence of a hoencession:
- A ratio of "Any hoens?" posts to actual confirmations exceeding 4:1.
- More than two consecutive weeks of partial hoens (i.e. "1 hoen" or "1.5 hoen").
- Members defaulting to phrases like "strangely not hoeny today" (Cullen Conway, April 1, 2026).
- Repeated invocations of Hoendor.
Counter-doctrine
The chat has not generally treated the hoencession as a force to be tolerated. The most ambitious response is the Fuck Off Friday manifesto, issued by Evan Bbbender on March 20, 2026, which prescribes a maximalist Friday of "do no work - 2 hour dog walk - hoen lunch". The success of any given Fuck Off Friday is treated as a coincident leading indicator of recovery.