Cranking
A chat-internal verb for masturbation, attested **115 times** across **all six members and six calendar years (2021–2026)**, almost always paired with the noun *hog* and frequently used to describe other members in the third person rather than the speaker.
Cranking
A chat-internal verb for masturbation, attested 115 times across all six members and six calendar years (2021–2026), almost always paired with the noun hog and frequently used to describe other members in the third person rather than the speaker.
Cranking is the chat's stable verb for masturbation. The verb is in the corpus continuously from 2021-01-26 through 2026-05-04, with 115 documented uses, and is frequently paired with the noun hog (96 mentions). It is one of the chat's most-used verbs that no member ever credits another member with originating.
Origin
The earliest in-corpus use is by Kyle Derrick on 2021-01-26, in a transferred sense (motorcycle):
"Just crank it up to maximum aggression and let it ride" — Kyle Derrick, 2021-01-26
The form's transition to the masturbatory sense is not a discrete event in the corpus but a gradual blurring. By 2021-04-28 Kyle is fully in the modern register:
"I've cranked it to shreks ears multiple times" — Kyle Derrick, 2021-04-28
— and by 2021-05-07 Daniel Miller is asking the chat's first epistemic question about the practice:
"How could he ever crank to satisfaction, any of those pornstars could have the vaccine coursing through their veins" — Daniel Miller, 2021-05-07
This is the corpus's only documented case of the chat applying a vaccine-skeptic frame to the cranking practice and is preserved here as the era's most-cited specimen.
"Cranking the hog"
The compound cranking the/his/my hog — a Sopranos-derived periphrasis for the same verb — is established by 2021-11-05:
"Yeah I was jk. I'd likely be crankin my hog everyday anyhow" — Kyle Derrick, 2021-11-05
The same day Kyle introduces the chat's recurring third-person Evan-cranks-it-at-the-office allegation:
"Though some people (Evan) have been known to crank it at the office" — Kyle Derrick, 2021-11-05
Evan Bbbender's confirmation arrives within five minutes:
"I'm crankin right now" — Evan Bbbender, 2021-11-05
By 2026 the crank hog form is so over-determined that Evan Bbbender flips it for the chat's pleasure on 2026-05-04:
"Cranking hog? Or hogly cranking" — Evan Bbbender, 2026-05-04
"Afternoon crank"
Daniel Miller's 2021-12-31 post establishes the chat's preferred 4/20-adjacent name for the practice:
"Is it 4:20 already. I've been so busy today I missed my afternoon crank" — Daniel Miller, 2021-12-31
The afternoon crank recurs as a recognized institution alongside Cheeky Pint and Birdie Time (though the chat has not, like cheeky pint, formalized a 2:30 trigger time for the practice).
Notable extensions
- 2021-12-04 — Daniel Miller: "Anyone out there cranking it to the great British baking show?" — the chat's first cross-cultural cranking inquiry. Cullen Conway's same-day reply ("Haven't cranked to that yet") is the canonical response template.
- 2021-11-05 — Kyle Derrick gives the chat its single most-cited piece of cranking news on 2026-03-09: "Anyone else ever cranked and hog and done ketamine on their first day of work?" — the only documented case in the corpus of cranking, ketamine, and a job-onboarding milestone being conjoined in a single post.
- 2026-04-01 — Kyle Derrick produces the chat's most fiscally-precise cranking-related claim: "The real money is how many times I crank it in the lavatory" — which the encyclopedia notes was posted on April 1 and offers no further interpretation.
- 2026-05-04 — Kyle Derrick: "Cámaras on is the only way to know people aren't crankin hog" — the chat's only documented videoconferencing-and-cranking-prevention proposal.