Bruce
The son of [[Daniel Miller]] and [[Alice]], born **Halloween 2020**, mentioned in the corpus **83 times** across all six years and named to the chat in real time during the run-up to his birth.
Bruce
The son of Daniel Miller and Alice, born Halloween 2020, mentioned in the corpus 83 times across all six years and named to the chat in real time during the run-up to his birth.
Bruce is the son of Daniel Miller and Alice, the chat's first documented child. The corpus contains 83 distinct Bruce mentions, spanning 2020-10-06 → 2026-01-15, and is one of the rare proper nouns in the chat continuously attested in every calendar year.
Pre-natal naming
The chat collectively names the child more than three weeks before his birth. Evan Bbbender introduces the form on 2020-10-06:
"Baby Bruce" — Evan Bbbender, 2020-10-06
Daniel Miller responds within minutes with the chat's preferred article-using variant:
"Baby The Bruce" — Daniel Miller, 2020-10-06
By 2020-10-30 Matt is asking "Can we add baby Bruce to the group chat yet?", establishing the running joke that Bruce is in some sense an eighth member of the chat — a status that even Matt O. has not been able to reclaim.
The birth
The birth is reported by Daniel Miller on 2020-10-31 (Halloween) and confirmed by Cullen Conway in three exclamation points:
"Bruce!!!!!" — Cullen Conway, 2020-10-31
Kyle Derrick greets him directly:
"Hello Bruce!" — Kyle Derrick, 2020-10-31
Bruce's Halloween birthday is reaffirmed in the corpus as recently as 2022-09-22 (Daniel Miller: "Bruce was born on halloween 2020, so yeah") and is now the only date in the chat's calendar that has been celebrated in every year since the chat's founding.
Operations and bequests
In the days following the birth the chat treats Bruce as a vector for a series of facetious bequests:
- 2020-11-04 — Evan Bbbender: "GET BRUCE ON SOME BLADES" (the encyclopedia accepts this as a roller-blading directive).
- 2020-11-21 — Kyle Derrick poses the chat's first medical-decision question: "Dan did you have Bruce's foreskin cut off yet?". The decision is not recorded.
- 2020-12-22 — Kyle Derrick, in an unattributed parenting note: "A little loose with Bruce's head".
The aoe2 inheritance
The chat's longest-running Bruce-related project is the question of when Daniel Miller will introduce him to Age of Empires II. Kyle Derrick first floats the question on 2020-11-03 ("Teach Bruce how to aoe yet?") and Daniel claims partial progress in a single message later the same day ("And yes bruce is already notching some GGs"). Five years later the question remains unresolved:
"You haven't started Bruce on aoe2 yet?" — Kyle Derrick, 2025-11-11
Status as of 2026
Bruce is, by Matt's 2025-11-11 "You teaching bruce headshots?", evidently school-age and gaming-adjacent. Daniel Miller reports on 2026-01-02 that "Bruce loves sushi, he can eat any amount of it" — which the chat appears to consider sufficient news. Brian Ambuel's daughter Delilah asked after Bruce's potential sibling on 2025-08-22 ("Delilah wants to know if Bruce's baby is going to be there"), suggesting an inter-child social network the chat is only obliquely aware of.