Strait of Hormuz
The Strait of Hormuz is the international waterway whose recurring appearance in the chat — first as geopolitics, then as a Matt-themed joke, then as a hoen pun — exemplifies the Newfound Glory Hole's habit of digesting current events into private vocabulary.
Strait of Hormuz
The Strait of Hormuz in the Newfound Glory Hole refers, principally, not to the body of water but to the chat's three-month arc of integrating that waterway into its private joke vocabulary. The arc begins in geopolitical earnest, passes through a Matt-themed in-joke, and finishes — as so much in the chat does — as a hoen pun.
March 8, 2026: addressed to Matt
The phrase is first introduced by Cullen Conway as a direct, contextless address to Matt:
"Open the Straight of Hormuz, Matt."
The sense in which Matt is, in personal capacity, in control of the Strait is not specified, and is not, in subsequent weeks, ever clarified.
March 13, 2026: a sincere policy analysis
Daniel Miller offers what is by some distance the longest substantive policy comment in the corpus to that date:
"Kinda shocking to me that there wasn't a plan for this, they've been talking about Iran closing the strait of hormuz since the 80s, this was a likely scenario and they seem to have no plan to address."
The comment is treated by the chat with the seriousness it deserves and is not further engaged with.
April 7–8, 2026: speculative geopolitics
On the evening of April 7, Daniel Miller offers a satirical hypothetical:
"What if we wake up tomorrow and Cory Booker is president of a free and open strait of hormuz."
The following morning, Matt provides what reads as an actual news quote:
"As a two-week ceasefire takes hold, Iran is asserting formal control over the Strait of Hormuz — requiring oil tankers to pay tolls in Bitcoin and submit cargo details before passage, the Financial Times…"
April 8, 2026: the pun is taken
At 16:02 UTC on April 8, the geopolitical arc terminates with two consecutive messages — separated by perhaps four seconds — that resolve everything that came before into a hoen pun:
"Let's go from Hormuz to Hoenz." — Evan Bbbender
"Hormuz hoen." — Daniel Miller
The chat has not returned to the Strait of Hormuz in the weeks since. The matter is generally regarded as closed.